Twas the Night Before Christmas
by VanG Ziggy ZA
Summary: Katara wants to give the fans a special late present, for their loyalty, by reading this old poem. But will the gang let her!


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'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Told by Katara, and... er... some others.

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Ziggy's Corner: Okay this is late, I know, but it was the best I could do. Anyway after watching Jeff Dunham's Christmas Special on Comedy Central, HAD to do this. I don't know why. The meat puppets in my head just would not leave me be, so there. So sit down, and shut up and enjoy! Do it! DO IT NOW! Akmed: Or I kill you! Akmed you're not even in Avatar. Akmed: Oh, damn.

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"Hello, fans, this is Katara. This year, we thought we'd give you a very special gift, for being so loyal to the show.'

"You mean, you're dumping Aang, and getting it on with Zuko?" Sokka asked, his eyes growing wide.

Katara glared at her older brother, and without much thought to it, sent him off stage wth a flick of her water whip. "No, I mean, we're going to read a very special poem that our fans have grown up with!"

Toph scoffed. "Not to mention _their_ parents, and their parents' parents, and their parents', parents', parents...,"

Katara's fingers twitched as she looked at the Earth Bender. "Look, no wise cracks guys, okay? I just want to give our fans a present for Christmas."

"But we don't even celebrate that holiday," Zuko pointed out. "We don't worship any of their gods, and this isn't the Christmas season!"

"It doesn't matter, we've paid for the set, and we're doing this poem, is that okay with you?!" Katara growled, each word growing louder until people living in Antarctica during the middle of a winter storm could hear her. **__**

She turned and bowed to the fans. "Sorry about that, we had a little technical difficulty there, but I think we've cleared it all up. So then, let's begin!"

The fourteen year old sat down on a soft red and white quilt and fliped open a book, while behind her Christmas music softly played. "Twas the Night Before...,"

"What's a _twas_?" Ty Lee asked, frowning.

"Twas, you know, its a word," Katara sighed.

"I've never heard it before," Sokka said, stroking his chin.

"Its a conjunction," Mai groaned. "It means, 'it was'."

"So why didn't whoever it was who wrote the poem just say, 'It was the night before Christmas'?" Ty Le insisted.

"Because during Clement C. Moore's time, they just used twas instead, okay?" Katara snarled.

"Why, were they stupid or lazy?" the perky, pink clad teen asked.

"Ty... Lee, please just sit down, okay?" The Water Bender sighed, stroking her head. She groaned, cracking her neck before starting again. "Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house...,"

"Wait a minute, a _house_? What... are we dissing our rich fans now?" Azula came out of no where, crossing her arms. "What about a mansion, or a castle, or a palace?"

"First off, who let the crazy girl out of her cage?" Toph asked.

"And second off, most of our fans don't living in mansions or castles, or palaces," Aang countered. "Though some might live in condos, or state houses."

"Will you guys stop it, you're driving me crazy!" Katara cried, knocking down the microphone before her. "Now shut up, and just play the background music while I read!"

"Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse...,"

"A mouse? Someone's maid hasn't been doing her job, now has she?" Azula snipped.

Katara glared, but continued, not wanting anything to go into madness again. "The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicolas soon would be there."

"So... just let me get this right, our fans put up their dirty socks near a roaring fireplace every one night a year, hoping some fat, geriatric, prowler will put candy and toys in them?" Mai raised an eyebrow. "Charming, kind of takes gingivitis to a whole new realm."

"I'm sure there was a reason they did that," Katara said with yet another sigh, and a surprised feeling in hre mind that Mai would join with the madness.

"Yeah, according to this information they put stockings by the fireplace to warm them by the fire," Aang said, looking at the computer. "Then this, Santa guy, comes and puts toys and candies in the stockings once they're dry."

"Oh good, nothing like candy that tastes like toe jam, and warm, melting fake plastic!" Mai groaned.

"Because each and everyone of them had one too much to drink of their daddies brand of cactus juiced laced eggnog!" teased Toph.

"... And momma in hre kerchief, and I in my cap, had just settled down for a long winter's nap." Despite it all, Katara knew the poem had to continue.

"Okay, what the heck is a kerchief?" Suki asked.

"A scarf, you wrap around your head," Katara said.

"A long winter's nap? What, do our fans hibernate during the winter?" Ty Lee asked, growing totally confused to this alien culture.

"Only when they have five times the cactus juice laced eggnog than they let their kids had," Toph continued to tease.

"You guys!" Katara growled. "Focus!" She sighed, and continued "When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash...,"

"And watched the street walkers and thugs take off with my trash," Azula mocked. All eyes turned on her and the girl shrugged. "What? You turn on all those lights for some old man in fur to find your house, and expect that the low lifes _not _to be drawn to the lights like moths to the flame?"

"Away to the window, I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters, and threw up the sash," Katara grumbled with a little bit of distain.

"And then I threw up my festive drink all over the thieves of the night," Bumi said with his telltale cackle.

"Will you guys stop it?" Katara cried. "Stop it, stop it, stop it!" She left the stage, calmed down drank a refreshing glass of water, and then came back.

She sighed, letting her shoulders fall, and looked back up with a smile. "The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, gave a luster of midday to the objects below. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tin reindeer...,"

"So, you're seeing fling reindeer and a tiny sleigh? Yep, you are so wasted! Time to call A.A,.!" Toph continued to mock.

"With a little driver so lively and quick, I knew it a moment it must be Saint Nick. More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came, and he whistled and shouted and called them by name...,"

"So he thinks that whistling and calling them by their names, he can make reindeer fly," Jet said as he came out of the shadows, a ghost no less. "Yes, this Christmas season really is the season to be merry! And a little tipsy if you ask me."

"This isn't the Avatar rendition of The Christmas Carol, Jet. So if you're going to stay, just keep your ghostly booty down, k?" Katara grumbled. Her heart fluttered, though dead, he still held a little sway over her. It was just a good thing that Kataang was now officially canon by Michael and Co.

"Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen! To the top of the proch, to the top of the wall, now dash away! Dash away! Dash away, all!

"As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, so up to the housetop the coursers they flew, with a sleigh full of toys, and Saint Nicolas too!

"And then in the twinkling I heard on the roof, the prancing and pawing of each little hoof! As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney Saint Nicolas came with a bound."

"Okay, so he yells at his reindeer, that he thinks can fly," Toph began.

"You know, Toph, Appa can fly," Aang pointed out.

"That's in our world, Twinkle Toes, not in our fans' world," Toph countered.

"Maybe Santa is from the spirit world?" the Avatar suggested.

"Nevertheless, he came down the chimney? I'm not so sure," Sokka said.

"Yep, he sounds wasted to me," Zuko said with a nod.

"Sounds like my kind of guy," Iroh laughed. "He knows how to have a good time, and spread the fun!"

Katara narrowed her eyes, but decided to continue. "He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot. A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

"His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples-how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, and the beard in his chin was as white as the snow...,"

"So, he's an _old man_ covered in dirt, decides the best way to get into your house, is through the _chimney_, thinks he can fly with _magical_ reindeer, has a face that clearly indicates that he's either _on_ something, or way too drunk, he's wearing a fur coat, which means's he probably slaughtered a few of those reindeer in his life, and you didn't call the police, because he said he has toys for your _children_... and because you're clearly checking him out?!" Azula gasped. "What kind of parents are you anyway?"

"Azula," Katara hissed.

"It didn't say he killed the cute, little reindeer," Ty Lee spoke up on his defense.

"Look at the pictures of him, Ty Lee, he's sometimes seen holding a whip in th eolder pics. What do you think he does with that whip? Hmmmmmmmmm?" Azula asked.

"You know, she has a point," Mai said, staring at her feet. "Think about it, red fur? What animal has red fure of that kind he wears? It might have been brown, before it was soaked in red blood!"

"I hate to say it," Aang said hesitantly. "But they make sense."

"I suppose he might make money he needs to buy all those toys by selling reindeer meat," Sokka said. He thought about that, drooling at the prospect of tasting reindeer.

"Will you guys stop it!" Katara growled. She slowly turned to her fans, and narrowed her eyes, "And not one of you better leave either. Yeah, I'm talking to you, mister... you know who you are, the one with the blue shirt drinking the Mountain Dew, sit ... down! And keep your hands away from that mouse button until this blasted poem is finished!"

"Well I personally think you're all reading way too much into this," Iroh said. "I'll say it again, this is my kind of guy!" His laugh barreled through the room, and calmed the tension in it. "Please, my dear, continue," he said to Katara.

She favored him with a thankful smile, and looked back at the fans. "The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, and the smoke-it encircled his head like a wreath!"

"Gee, Santa, thanks for the second hand smoke, and my new lung cancer, just what I always wanted!" Toph spat out, smirking at Katara.

"He had a broad face and a little round belly, that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.

"He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, and I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself. A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread."

"Because he poisoned the bread!" Sokka teased.

"That makes no sense, Sokka," Aang said.

"Sure it does, you're busy looking at the toys for the kids, and you don't see him slipping poison in the bread that was baking by the fireplace!"

"He spoke not a word but went straight to his work, and filled all the stockings then turned with a jerk; and laying a finger aside of his nose and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose...,"

"So he smokes, wears old fashioned fur clothing, and goes up the chimney by picking his nose. Gee mom and dad, you might as well have brought Michael Jackson nto your home for a sleepover!" Azula quipped.

"He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle," Katara snarled, determined to finish the poem. "And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight...,"

Sokka opened his mouth for one more smart mouthed comment, but was blasted off the stage by a geyser Katara created, which also drowned out Toph's voice or anyone else's, except for her's, "Happy Christmas for all, and to all a good night!"

Afterwards, Katara and Iroh went to experience a good, hearty, Christmas dinner, and accidentally left the rest of the group to scatter in panic as the stage flooded. On the Winter Solstice everyone, except for those two, got coal. Katara received twelve silver water bending scrolls, and Iroh, a fancy diamond studded tea pot!

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Ziggy's Zone: Written in a single night. I had a wonderful time with this, and loved doing it. Its my figt to all my fans in the avatar secton of God bless you for all your patronage of this NOW thirty four year old dude, and here's to looking for a six digit story cap for Avatar at . Sorry so late, but was busy, so Merry Late Christmas everyone!


End file.
